When Amanda and I first started this Ministry, we didn't have any expectations... All we knew was that God called us to be down there to feed the people (physically or spiritually at that time, I do not know).
Here we are now 42 months (183 weeks) later and we still see most of the same people in the same position we met them in. Sure... now they listen to the sermons and are thankful and some are actually truly grateful for our kind acts, but it breaks my heart that except for a very few, there has been no change.
There have been several people who have prayed to accept Christ during an invitation, but there hasn't really been any real growth. There are times like tonight, that I wonder if we're spinning our wheels. Should we move to plant seeds elsewhere?
I had a conversation with one of our guests this evening and he'd been around for about 2 years now. He shared with me the perspective from a 'homeless person' towards us and what we do. "As good as the food is, and as nice as you guys are to us, it gets old hearing the same thing and eating the same food over and over again." When I heard that, I was at a lose for words... What does one say to that and still remain walking in the Spirit? I respect his brutal honesty, but it got me thinking about the balance in the fruit we've produced in Pacific Beach and whether or not it's time we relocate to start a new work.
I'm feeling a little defeated... Maybe just discouraged.... But I know this feeling will not last, because I have the promises of a Comforter who will always lift me up when I'm low and He will direct me where He wants us to go.
Earlier this week, some women from our church mentioned that they're starting a women's Bible Study in PB, very close to where we meet on Fridays. They asked me to mention an open invitation to the women that attend the dinner... None of the women were interested.
Don't get me wrong, there are genuinely nice and grateful people who we are helping, but are we now enabling them? There is a difference from a hand-out and a hand-up... so which is it that we are doing?
Tonight I watched people take full advantage of our teams generosity. It was a restless night and there was lots going on: bike theft right behind me while I'm preaching... People barking demands at our team for clothing... Folks cutting in line to help themselves, rather than wait... People changing clothes they just receive from us, only to walk back thru to get more items despite our limitation policy... Cursing towards us when we ask for cooperation... Grumbles when we tell them we don't have an item like razors....
That's not the majority but only a few, but as I said earlier, where is the fruit of our labors?
The one thing I'm asking prayer for myself at the moment, is for wisdom. With wisdom comes clarity. I do not want to make a move without the direction of God, especially of it's based on emotion.
Right now I feel like Peter when he said to Jesus "We've fished all night and have caught NOTHING!"
Off my soapbox and going to sleep now. Maybe God will speak to me in my sleep.
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